Millennial Arrested for Saying "SKRRRT" and "No Cap" Without Context—Gets 13 Years of Vocabulary Rehab

In a peculiar case that’s baffled both locals and law enforcement, a 33-year-old millennial has been arrested for repeatedly using Gen Z slang, including “SKRRRT” and “No Cap,” without any clear context. Authorities have sentenced the man to 13 years of vocabulary rehabilitation, citing his misuse of modern lingo as a public disturbance.

Kyle "K-Dawg" Thompson, a Chicago native, was apprehended at a downtown Starbucks after alarming both staff and customers with his random outbursts. According to witnesses, Thompson ordered his usual caramel macchiato, but things took a strange turn when he yelled "SKRRRT" at the barista as she handed him his drink. Confused, she asked if he needed anything else, to which he casually responded, "Issa no cap"—leaving her baffled.

“I’ve seen my fair share of odd customers, but this was next level,” said Emily, the barista on duty during the incident. “He kept using slang that made no sense. He even called me ‘fam,’ and I’ve never seen this guy in my life.”

Things only got worse when Thompson attempted to toss his napkin into the trash, yelling “Yeet!”—but missed by several feet. At this point, concerned patrons called 911, fearing the millennial’s behavior was becoming erratic.

Officer Mike Davis, one of the responding officers, said, “When we arrived, Kyle kept repeating ‘big mood’ and ‘it’s lit,’ but none of it made sense. He was throwing out slang like he was being paid by the word.”

Taken into custody, Thompson remained uncooperative, answering police questions with more confusing slang. During his trial, Judge Karen Richardson had little patience for Thompson's antics. “This kind of verbal chaos is unacceptable in public spaces,” she ruled. “Thirteen years of vocabulary rehabilitation should help him rediscover full sentences and coherent conversation.”

Thompson will be required to attend weekly grammar sessions, read classic novels, and abstain from internet slang during his rehab program. Experts believe his case highlights the dangers of overusing digital lingo. “When slang crosses into every sentence, communication breaks down,” said Dr. Matthew Haines, a linguistics expert.

Thompson’s friends remain cautiously optimistic about his future. “It’s a tough sentence, but I guess that’s how the cookie crumbles,” said one friend, before adding, “No cap, though, we think he’ll come out stronger.”