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Authorities have warned that over 95 percent of New Year resolutions will be found dead by the end of January, based on early indicators and decades of identical outcomes. Officials confirmed the resolutions are not dying naturally. “They are being killed,” said a senior authority. “Ruthlessly. Without mercy.” According to investigators, most resolutions are taken with great confidence and then systematically abandoned within days. Common methods include ignoring them, postpo

In a groundbreaking discovery, employees across industries have come to a unanimous decision: coffee is simply not cutting it anymore....