Corporation Solves Business Crisis by Changing Brand Logo

Facing declining sales, mass layoffs, and a product nobody seems to want anymore, a major corporation announced Tuesday that it has successfully addressed its business crisis by changing its logo.

The redesigned logo, which is rounder, flatter, and somehow more “inclusive,” was unveiled during a carefully scripted keynote where executives assured stakeholders that the company is now “listening.”

“We realized the problem wasn’t supply chain issues, pricing, or the fact that our product is objectively shit,” said the CEO. “It was the logo. The old one didn’t reflect who we are, confused, overleveraged, and desperately online.”

According to the press release, the new logo represents “growth, empathy, and forward momentum,” despite the company reporting none of those things in its quarterly earnings.

Employees were informed of the rebrand via email moments before another round of layoffs, which leadership described as “an unfortunate but values-aligned restructuring.”

“The logo cost us ₹14 crore,” confirmed a senior executive. “But it was worth it. People need to know we care. The PF money which we were supposed to send to the EPFO was used here. At this hour, employees need to contribute in some form or the other.”

Industry analysts praised the move, noting that changing a logo is significantly cheaper than fixing broken operations and requires zero accountability.

“This is textbook crisis management,” said one consultant. “When fundamentals are collapsing, you pivot to things that don't really matter.”

The company also updated its mission statement, replacing specific business goals with broader commitments such as “doing better,” “showing up,” and “being on the right side of history,” though executives declined to specify what any of that actually means.

Marketing teams celebrated the launch by posting the new logo across social media, where comments were disabled to encourage “positive engagement.”

At press time, leadership confirmed plans to address the ongoing crisis further by updating the website font, issuing a carefully worded apology, and reminding customers that criticism in any form is “not aligned with our values.”