What's happening?

Authorities have warned that over 95 percent of New Year resolutions will be found dead by the end of January, based on early indicators and decades of identical outcomes. Officials confirmed the resolutions are not dying naturally. “They are being killed,” said a senior authority. “Ruthlessly. Without mercy.” According to investigators, most resolutions are taken with great confidence and then systematically abandoned within days. Common methods include ignoring them, postpo

Facing declining sales, mass layoffs, and a product nobody seems to want anymore, a major corporation announced Tuesday that it has successfully addressed its business crisis by changing its logo. The redesigned logo, which is rounder, flatter, and somehow more “inclusive,” was unveiled during a carefully scripted keynote where executives assured stakeholders that the company is now “listening.” “We realized the problem wasn’t supply chain issues, pricing, or the fact that ou