What's happening?

In what experts are calling a “strong but short-lived development,” a local man announced late Tuesday night that he was officially turning his life around. The announcement was made at approximately 11:42 PM, following the consumption of two motivational reels, one podcast clip about discipline, and a mild wave of self-disgust. “This is it,” the man reportedly whispered to himself. “Different mindset. Different habits. Different me.” Sources confirm the man began researching

Authorities have warned that over 95 percent of New Year resolutions will be found dead by the end of January, based on early indicators and decades of identical outcomes. Officials confirmed the resolutions are not dying naturally. “They are being killed,” said a senior authority. “Ruthlessly. Without mercy.” According to investigators, most resolutions are taken with great confidence and then systematically abandoned within days. Common methods include ignoring them, postpo

Facing declining sales, mass layoffs, and a product nobody seems to want anymore, a major corporation announced Tuesday that it has successfully addressed its business crisis by changing its logo. The redesigned logo, which is rounder, flatter, and somehow more “inclusive,” was unveiled during a carefully scripted keynote where executives assured stakeholders that the company is now “listening.” “We realized the problem wasn’t supply chain issues, pricing, or the fact that ou

Back when life was all about not dying before sunset, greatness had really low standards. Like trip-over-it kind of low. You didn’t need...

Ah socialism, the noble pursuit of equality, fairness, and shared prosperity. Until, of course, the Wi-Fi goes down, and suddenly, it's...

Look, I don’t know who the fuck is in charge of writing Japanese proverbs, but they need to chill. Because every time my life falls apart...