Govt Says to Save the Economy and the Environment, You Need to Jump and Drown in the Ocean

In a shocking twist to environmental policy, the government has unveiled its boldest strategy yet: jump into the ocean to save both the economy and the environment. This radical approach aims to address pressing ecological issues while simultaneously stimulating economic growth—by literally diving headfirst into the waters.

At a press conference held by the Minister of Environment and Economy, the message was as clear as the ocean waters soon to embrace us. “We’ve tried everything—recycling, renewable energy, banning single-use plastics, switching to paper straws, and even converting pee into petrol—but nothing seems to be working. It’s time for extreme measures. The ultimate sacrifice: jump into the ocean and let nature—and the economy—take their course.”

A New Tide of Environmentalism and Economic Growth

The newly introduced policy, “Operation Dive and Thrive,” proposes that the only way to truly save the planet and bolster the economy is by eliminating the primary source of its problems—us. Citizens are encouraged to make a literal leap of faith into the ocean, where their drowning will "reset the natural balance" and open new opportunities for innovation and growth.

“We’re talking about real, measurable results here,” explained the Minister. “Imagine the emissions reduction when there are no more commuters. Think of the forests regrowing once we stop clear-cutting them for coffee cups. With fewer people, we’ll have less demand for resources, allowing our economy to flourish in new, sustainable ways.”

Drowning for Economic & Environment Revival

Supporters of the policy argue that this drastic step is the logical next phase in environmentalism. “We’ve tried reusable grocery bags, switching to paper straws that disintegrate after three sips, and even converting bodily fluids into alternative fuels," said a spokesperson for the Green Ultimatum Coalition. "But the truth is, none of it matters if we’re still around. Jumping into the ocean is the only solution that guarantees real change.”

Critics, however, are finding it hard to get on board. “Jumping into the ocean and drowning seems a bit… final,” said 34-year-old Anjali Mehta, while thoughtfully sipping from her compostable water bottle. “I’m all for saving the planet, but I thought the goal was to do that so we could live on it.”

The Economy: Sinking or Swimming?

The economy is already feeling the waves. Tourism, retail, and life insurance sectors have taken a hit as more citizens contemplate taking the plunge. "Our waterproof eco-friendly sandals are flying off the shelves,” noted one retail executive, "but no one’s buying round-trip plane tickets to tropical destinations anymore. It’s a bit of a mixed bag."

Meanwhile, engineers working on pee-to-petrol conversion technologies have expressed frustration. “Just when we were starting to make progress on alternative fuels, they tell us the solution is to go drown ourselves,” said a disgruntled scientist. “I mean, we were about to turn lemonades into power. Now I guess it’s saltwater instead.”

Public Reaction: On the Fence or Off the Cliff?

Social media has erupted with mixed reactions, as citizens debate whether to embrace #DrownForTheEarthAndEconomy or cling to more conventional eco-friendly practices, like recycling or just, you know, breathing. Some environmental influencers have taken the initiative and live-streamed their final plunge, claiming that “self-sacrifice is the truest form of environmental love.”

Others remain skeptical. “Look, if I’m going to jump into the ocean, it’ll be for a vacation, not environmental martyrdom,” tweeted 27-year-old Rajat, who prefers to stay dry while supporting the environment through the radical act of using a metal straw. “Besides, if we all drown, who’s left to enjoy the boba tea and avocado toast?”

The Final Call

Though it’s unclear whether this policy will truly help save the environment and the economy—or if anyone will be left to measure the results—the government remains steadfast. “Drastic times call for drastic measures,” concluded the Minister. “Remember, your last breath could be the breath that saves the planet and revitalizes our economy.”

So, if you notice large crowds heading toward the ocean with somber expressions and waterproof smartphones, don’t panic—it’s just people doing their part to drown for the economy and the environment, one irreversible jump at a time.